Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
