I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
