i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
