Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
