I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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