now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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