Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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