My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
