I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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