I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
