she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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