ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
