So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
