My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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