It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
