is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
