watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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