This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
