3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
