And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I will die if light touches me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
