Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
