I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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