I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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