I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
