the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
