There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
