Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
