what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
