If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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