Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
