dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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