Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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