I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize