do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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