We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
