Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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