In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
