that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Of course I have a pirate flag
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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