The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
