so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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