I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
