I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
