All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
