We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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