they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
