Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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