My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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