i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
