I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize