seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize