remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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