First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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