my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just found puke in my bra..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
