Pappa wants mamma naked
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
