Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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