anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
