I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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