I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need water and some morals
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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