There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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