I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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