I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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